Tied to death
by Antinom
Summary: Is it really true that Shinji is connected to death? Is everyone emotionally unstable? If you a story that challenges you and offers a good amount of suspense maybe this story is perfect for you.
1. Chapter 1

This story happens in a different alternative reality (it takes place in an "atmosphere" that was formed during the midst of the 24 episode), however, Kaworu did not try to descend to the Terminal Dogma, at least, not for a while.

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**Nostalgia**

And Kaworu pointed the Lance of Longinus towards Shinji, while saying: "Those who do not want to live should be treated as they want!"

**(…)**

-Lately, angels are not appearing, why is that?

-I don't know Misato, but I guess that finally we can enjoy being in peace for some days, who knows if they simply stopped spawning. However the probability of that happening is 2%, I might be that the answer, or maybe not. Perhaps we are missing something, anyways, I am too tired now. I am going to rest a little bit. See you later, Misato.

-Ok, I will remain here with Maya and the others doing some research work on this subject. See you later, Ritsuko.

Meanwhile in NERV's cafeteria, Shinji and Kaworu were having lunch.

-Singing is brings joy and revitalizes the human soul. I think that song is the highest achievement of the Lillim culture, isn't that wonderful, Shinji-kun?

-Yes, it is.

-While there's air in humans' lungs they will definitely expel that air to sing the most beautiful melodies that come to their minds, right, Shinji-kun?

-Right.

-So… in what are you thinking? Is there anything that is bothering you? I can see it in your eyes.

-No, Kaworu, I am fine. Don't worry, ok?

-If your heart is suffering any kind of agony, I am pretty sure that I can mitigate that suffering. You are a very important person to everyone and even more to me. You know Shinji…

-Kaworu, we're in the cafeteria, don't you dare to say those words again! I was pretty embarrassed.

-But it is the truth. Shinji, I love you.

-No, I don't even know you well enough and you are telling me such things already, stop it. I don't like it!

-Sorry, I did not mean to hurt you or whatever you feel when I say that…- and Kaworu paused, looked Shinji in the eyes and said – I love you.

-Stop it!- Shinji was starting to blush, but it was not that he did not like him, it was the way how Kaworu said those words, as if he know him from the beginning. Shinji, sometimes, did not understand what Kaworu was telling and this was one of those things that Shinji did not understand. However, the two boys were good friends. And maybe the only true friend that Shinji had, since Asuka was in a catatonic state and, actually, she did not help him when he asked her. So she was not a good friend. In fact, she hated everyone, how could he be her friend.

-So what are you two talking about, Shinji's face is as red as a tomato – said Misato mocking them.

Kaworu remained silent, while Shinji started getting even more blushed and, eventually, he said: Nothing is going on, it was just that the food had too much pepper on it…

-Shinji-kun, you are so clumsy, why do you behave like that, friend? Also you don't have to invent all those stories in order to hide the truth, well, I am leaving. See you later.

The sweet voice of Kaworu remained in the air.

-Shinji, I was told by your father that you should realize some tests with Eva-01 so that we can be able to upgrade the armor of your Eva, you never know when angels are going to be too strong. I do not want another Zeruel incident, ok? Here are some papers with all the information you need to know.

-Thank you, I will be there.

Some hours later…

-I don't know if I want to continue this way, I don't really know. Is piloting an Eva everything I wish for? Why do I pilot an Eva? No! I must stop asking, I must focus myself in trying to do my best. But, what if my best is not enough… I let Rei die. Therefore, I am not doing my best. I am stupid, a coward, "baka" as Asuka would say. I do not want to pilot an Eva, the last time I did so, Rei died. Why? Why? What is my purpose? Do I need to pilot an Eva? Is it that my only purpose in this life is to pilot an Eva, if so, now that there are no angels or, at least, they do not appear, why am I needed? My life is not worth living.

-Hey, Shinji (a pure smell invaded the room, followed by a docile voice), I need you, in fact, we need you. Why are you with such a sad face? I knew it! Something is bothering you. Why won't you tell me? Hurry up, we must go to the training session with our Evas.

-It is that…well, I have all these bad memories that are affecting me, they are hurting me.

And Shinji and Kaworu leaved the room heading to point that was established in the papers Misato gave them.

-Well, you know, maybe those memories won't vanish because you haven't created new ones, they won't disappear if you do not continue your life, instead of staying there on the couch doing nothing and thinking in an exaggerated way. So new memories do not appear, because there is a memory which in poisoning you, a memory that you don't know it exists because that same memory is already too much accommodated in your life.

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So what do you think about it. I would like to read your opinions about it, should I continue?


	2. Chapter 2

**I miss you**

"I miss him… I miss her… I miss them, I miss my friends… I was wrong. I did not know what I was doing. I am sorry! I am sorry! I am sorry! Please forgive me, I just… I am frustrated, how can that be, I mean, why, why… Help me! I don't know what to do… Friends, family, people, world… save me… from the…"

The pale and weak voice of Shinji was silenced by a fierce slap. Misato had enough of that. She knew why he was being like that, however, people do wrong things and sometimes they do it for no reason, simply because they did not thought too much about or because society demanded things to be like that.

"A person is naturally good; it is the society that corrupts that person." Fuyutsuki always liked Philosophy and whenever he could he would show that he knew some interesting philosophers and also because he valued too much that kind of knowledge. Gendo looked at Fuyutsuki with an aggressive expression, indicating that maybe Fuyutsuki was saying something that was not quite opportune. "So, what are we waiting for?" said Gendo. "They should be arriving soon, we must wait for them, nonetheless, we must prepare ourselves", Fuyutsuki nodded and immediately looked at Maya while indicating her to prepare the suits. It had been a while since they last visited the "T.D.S.S" and surely everything was different now, mainly because of the beginning or at least the pseudo-beginning of the Instrumentality Project. It was a dark, cold and suspenseful room, although being a small compartment; it was the place where the key was, the key that was made of veins, blood and sin. They needed to check the key as it was a fundamental part of the project, specifically because the key was too fragile and also because the key had to be maintained in a quite tolerable place or the worst could happen.

The sun was starting to set, the tweeting of the bird was becoming part of the dark of the night, the wind was converting to shadow and happiness was becoming a depressive and painful feeling. Smiles were rotting… Rei was wandering around, where was she? Where was she during her life? Was she alive? The feeling of emptiness poisoned her, corrupted her personality, annihilated her soul and rendered her a doll, a doll filled with void, a doll that lacked self-awareness. And so she gazed at the horizon with the feeling of infinity, infinite loneliness, infinite isolation, infinite despair…

Meanwhile, Kaworu was looking for Shinji, the pure white boy had a worried expression on his face (what could it be?). There were rumors about the death of Asuka, Kaworu was afraid that Shinji would do something stupid because of her, because of losing a friend, a worthy friend, a friend with problems, a normal friend.

Shinji knew it. He could not tell her, he did not tell her the motif, he was weak… and Misato's fierce slap had never caused that amount of pain… Pain, sorrow, disappointment, despair they were all condensed in that slap, however, the eyes of Shinji were full of uncertainty, full of melancholy. Nevertheless, Misato denied the "fact". Was she being totally sincere?

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Did you like it? Review this story if you want. That way I can change some aspects of this story.


	3. Chapter 3

**Despair, the savior of reality**

A sweet and confident voice answered: "Honesty? Kindness? Maybe you are exaggerating the facts? Shinji, why are you saying things like that? Perhaps she was telling the truth. You really must change your attitude. However, it is possible that Asuka is no more…" As Kaworu was spelling those words, Shinji felt an awful headache. The possibility of inexistence. The thought of a dead friend. The terror emanating from those thoughts invaded Shinji, petrifying him. He was not ready. Kaworu could feel the despair, the horror, the tenebrous atmosphere that surrounded him. Little by little he was also becoming afraid. (Why?)

Shinji was not ready. Tokyo 3 was recently attacked by an angel and, curiously, no one told him anything about it. Misato did not even arrive late at home that day… Everyone was acting in a suspicious way. (Why?)

Rei was nowhere to be found. He felt something for her, nonetheless, she was different. He did not have that feeling of closeness, of intimacy with her. She was different. Everyone was being different… (Why?)

He loved music, he loved poetry. He loved art. He liked all those things, because they were not what they looked like. Those things had a beautiful and a wonderful meaning. Maybe life was all about enjoying those things that did not mean anything to others, however, for him, those were the things that gave life all its value. As he thought of this he saw a paper, it was in perfect conditions. He started reading it:

(...)

"Poetry, the sound of harmony

The blooming of the soul

An explosion of insanity

Driven by feelings of humanity

(...)

Poetry, it tears the flesh of our chest

It breaks our ribs, rips our veins,

Just to cherish our heart

Poetry pierces the heavens with its might

Poetry crumbles the universe with its intensity

Poetry is the ultimate light

It is the trigger for the instrumentalization of our souls

So, it begins: The Soul's refrain

Poetry unites our souls in a mystical land

A land where nothing is in vain

A land where our souls are meant to expand

A land where there is no absolute pain

(...)

One, two, three, wake up!

The fog is gone,

It is no longer dawn

It is time to leave the place you are in

And let reality kick in!

P.s. Gendo, it is this that I want. I found these beautiful verses yesterday. They were from the time I was in school, so young and yet I managed to summarize all my feelings. It is really sad when we look to the past and we feel nostalgia. In fact, we should speed up the process. Remember, the unification of all souls is a task that possesses supreme importance, do NOT forget your assignments. Keel Lorenz"

Why did he found that paper? Why did he found that paper? Was that what he was supposed to do with unit-01? He did not want that future. He wanted to live… or maybe he only wanted to survive without pain… He would tell his father that he would not do it, he would not be a part of that horrendously mad plan.

He felt an itch on its back. Suddenly, he noticed the room he was in and he also noticed that everything was becoming dark, he could not see anything. He was losing consciousness, what did he do wrong? He felt another itch on its back, it looked like he was stung… (Why?)

He woke up and almost immediately the fragile boy heard a door opening:"Asuka was k…" That voice was Ritsuko's voice. As soon as she saw Shinji she stopped what she was saying. (Why?)

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What do you think of it?


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